Dear Sir or Madame,
My dear Personal Chum, Mr. Pirate Cleric (with whom I spent many a Happy Hour in the gutters surrounding Timorous Deep Community College as my small country’s sole Foreign-Exchange Student) has kindly allowed me to occupy this Space as he continues his Notable absence from the public spotlight while he prepares for his upcoming Ursine nuptials, the better to inquire discreetly as to your Interest in a Matter of some urgency.
Please allow me honor of introducing myself: My name is Synset Bongwatta Hollowind, and I am the Brother-in-Law of Phelonyos Taylormade Raizarleaf. As you may know from your country’s Financial Tabloids, my late Relative by marriage held the position of Chief Secretariat-in-Residence of Torrent’s middle eastern branch offices – that is, until the Month of July, when he was lost to us in a tragic and freakish Incident involving Torrent President-for-Life Jhihad’s ab roller exercise device, 8 maids “a-milking” and a surprisingly large quantity of dehydrated rum (The Kind the Space Pirates swig!©).
As a result of this unexpected and disturbing Family Misfortune, I currently find myself in possession of a large Cache of platinum and pieces of eight bestowed by Mr. Triage for certain unmentionable “Favors Rendered.” I am most desirous of transferring these valuable cashstores offshore, free from the dangers of Überguild leaders and rabid thanksgiving-destroying PKers, and I am looking for qualified and trustworthy Partner who can assist me in this Effort in a manner that will be Mutually beneficial.
To facilitate this Exchange, Mr. Triage has Authorized me to use his Personal In Box to solicit your Aid, to wit: If you would generously submit (in all Confidence) any unused Information you may have in your Possession about where one might procure cheap xp as proof of your Discressionary restraint, I will authorize my Solicitor to deliver some of the aforementioned Plats to the Mailing Address of your specification to hold for me in your safe care minus, Naturally, a generous Bailsman’s fee. Just for Dekerachunz.
FURTHER COLLATERAL
As a Token of my good faith in this Matter, permit me the Honor of presenting you with a small Gem from the Absent Mr. Triage’s Estate: Episode one in a continuing series of reports on the surviving the Dismantalization of guilds that you no doubt are aware are riding through your lands at this moment.
The Gay (I assure you in the good way) Pirate left me in trust of the following items pilfered from the most high-larious moments on the high seas and designed to instill in you the Faith in myself that He has. Plese peruse the following “shots-of-screen” as proof of my Sincerity in the proposed deal between us. Love you should be feeling.
Finally, as you prepare to assist me in this profitable venture to free the valuables left to me by the Pirate now endangered by the political turmoil surrounding the Country of Vallon Zek beware those who the afore mentioned Lascarian has playfully dubbes the Knobs of the Week. The following is the most recent member of this Ignoble Band:
